Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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