I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
