bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
