Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
