Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
