I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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