We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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