Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
