Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
