My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
