I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
