I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
