When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
