You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
