So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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