remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
