i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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