I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
