my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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