he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
