What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
cat food counts as protein by the way
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
