oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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