is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
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