I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
