I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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