Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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