So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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