my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
