Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
