I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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