they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
