he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
