I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
