Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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