i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
