GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
