You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
