? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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