Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
