I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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