A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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