you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
