she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
