Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
