You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
