i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
and you fell through a lawn chair
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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