But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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