There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
