i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
