How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
