glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
