It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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