Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
